The Single Files: Me, Myself and Ice Cream
February 2011
By Kristyn Potter, 3’s a Fiesta Columnist
First there was boyfriend shopping. Then, came crush shopping. Now, the final episode of the shopping bug comes just after Christmas- where every store in town is having yet another sale and old flames are back for the holidays. Except, this holiday season one integral part of my life is changing. With the New Year comes a sense of self-renewal, and in my case five months of singledom.
People generally result to the ‘tales of singledom’ as an anti-climatic ending to a failed relationship and/or crushed ego, suggesting that the single files are a source of self-imposed rationalism rather than what it actually is- a default idea that serves as the scapegoat for much bigger problems. I’ve been a victim of this for years, eight to be exact, and with a new decade comes a new sense of self-reliability and emotional responsibility.
The goal in revived singledom isn’t what you think- finding (as in relentlessly seeking) a counterpart. The goal is merely and actually quite simple: bettering yourself. Since freshman year of high school, when I traded Kmart clothes for a shopping spree and more fashion-forward attire, I have found myself in a relationship. The word ‘found’ signifying an element of surprise. But, this newfound coupledom wasn’t nearly a happenstance. Freshman year I had a boyfriend. Sophomore year I had a boyfriend. Junior year I had the same boyfriend as sophomore year. Senior year another boyfriend. Freshman year in college I ‘found’ myself engaged to my senior year boyfriend. Sophomore year I had rebounding boyfriends, but boyfriends all the same. Junior year I had a boyfriend. Senior year of college I was off and on with my junior year boyfriend. I think you get where I’m going with this.
In some unfortunate sense, I am able to reflectively and rationally state that my serial dating spree, while enjoyable to say the least, wasn’t from circumstance by happenstance but a habitual problem.
Before checking into dating rehab, I made myself a promise/goal for the New Year: taking a stab at being single. I have no problem going to the movies by myself, sitting in my room rocking out to Ke$ha and reading New York magazine, or eating at restaurants solo. But these acts of introversion needn’t be disguised as security. I’m putting my foot down.
For those women out there like me (I know I’m not the only one), I suggest taking time to find things out about yourself and enjoy time alone. Following and chasing dreams, more than maintaining friendships, and finding what makes you happy. You can’t be with someone until you can be with yourself. Try it out. The possibilities are endless and the results will have an everlasting bettering effect.
Cheers,
Kristyn
Follow Kristyn’s five month dating hiatus and the lessons she learns every Thursday only in College Femme Magazine.
Published in College Femme Magazine
Kristyn Potter 