The Single Files: Tales of the Fauxmance

The Single Files

February 4, 2011

By Kristyn Potter, 3’s a Fiesta Columnist

Tales of the Fauxmance

Fauxmance (noun): 1)The act of being in or encouraging an emotional, physical, and/or mental interaction with another with a desire to evolve in the future. 2)Fake romance

*disclaimer: acknowledging or labeling something as a fauxmance doesn’t negate the very real effects the other person potentially has on you, it is just a way of describing something that to the outer world doesn’t truly exist.

Here’s the deal. I met someone.

Now, before you get your panties, boyshorts, and boxers (for our male readers) in a bunch, let me start by saying that it isn’t what you think. Or it is exactly what you think but labeled in a way that it appears to be less than what it actually is.

Everyone knows that New Years Eve is a time to explore the power of your liver, fully engage in interactions with friends and loved ones, and overall celebrate a kickass year. Well, let me just say that the year 2010 was by far the best and worst year of my life, which somehow put me into a weird state of equilibrium on Jan 1. I met some of my closest friends, graduated from college, broke up and made up with an ex as well as a rebound ex (details of that love affair to be explained gradually throughout the column), bought a sketchbook to mask my post-graduate depression, and ended up sketching together a masterpiece. I also started writing a new novel, finished a few short stories, and moved into a super hip flat in the hipster part of town … but, who’s really keeping track?

Anyway, similar to that of my graduation night (where we celebrated “Four Years of Fuck Yeah!”), I brought in the New Year in the same fashion- with a New Years Eve- Eve bar crawl with my closest buds. I ended up meeting a hottie in our group of mutual friends, and instantly hit it off. Despite the mass amount of liquor and merriment involved, we had instant chemistry that I thought was more than circumstantial.

But of course, I always think chemistry is more than circumstantial, and thus The Single Files is because I have an odd perspective on what a relationship is, how it is built and sustained, and when it is real versus when it is a facade of my deep and eager imagination.

Well, what gives?

Based on the knowledge of my past dating habits, as well as my 2011 resolution to spend five months of ‘Me Time’, I knew that I was headed down a toxic path. So I did what any girl would do: graciously accepted his phone number, casually texted him during the day, and pussyfooted my way into a romance that I know good and well I’m not allowed to be in.

The end of this tale is that there isn’t one. As promised, I told said hottie tottie that I am unable to date him for another five months, to which he responded (and I quote): “You get yourself together and I will spend this time doing the same thing, and we can make it official in 5 months.”

It’s not everyday you meet someone who complies to your absolutely ridiculous request at savoring your freedom from the constraints of a relationship. But, this week, I met someone who did. Whether he is around in five months is neither something I am worried about, nor consumed with. Because in five months, I will be resolved emotionally and mentally from the baggage of my past relationships and ready to get back out there, leaving my game playing at 2010’s door.

Until next time,

Kristyn

Published in College Femme Magazine